BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm smoking hot Bill Kurtis.
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KURTIS: And so is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you Bill.
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SAGAL: Thanks everybody. Great to be with you, excited about our guest today, it's singer Loudon Wainwright III, or as Apple might call him, Loudon Wainwright 2S.
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SAGAL: Now after a summer traveling from Denver to San Francisco to the Berkshires, we're back home in Chicago. It is great to be here.
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SAGAL: Especially now that the statute of limitations has expired. Now it's no longer a legal matter. I can say to the mayor, no hard feelings, and seriously, you've got so many buildings left standing. What is the difference?
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SAGAL: But we're back and happy to give you once more the chance to win the voice of Carl Kasell on your voicemail. Give us a call. The number is 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant.
Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.
KATE FITZSIMONS: Hi, this is Kate Fitzsimons. I'm from Allentown, Pennsylvania.
SAGAL: Oh, hi, Kate. How are you?
FITZSIMONS: Hi, I'm great. I'm really excited to be on the show.
SAGAL: We are excited to have you on the show. So Allentown, of course, made famous by Billy Joel.
FITZSIMONS: Yes, singing a song that actually had nothing to do with anything going on in Allentown. Apparently he mistook it for Bethlehem.
SAGAL: Really?
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FITZSIMONS: Yeah, that's where the factory was.
SAGAL: Really? Was it just like a rhyme thing? Like he couldn't make...
FITZSIMONS: Yeah. And now anytime that you say you're from Allentown, everyone remembers that song. It's great.
SAGAL: Really? So did I just...
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SAGAL: Kate, welcome to the show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's a writer for HBO's "Real Time With Bill Maher," Mr. Adam Felber is here.
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ADAM FELBER: Hi, Kate.
SAGAL: Next, a contributor to "CBS Sunday Morning" and the producer of a new baby girl, it's Faith Salie.
FAITH SALIE: Hi, Kate.
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SAGAL: Finally, it's a comedian currently on a hundred city tour of America. You can see him at the Chicago Theatre in Chicago on September 20, it's Mike Birbiglia.
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MIKE BIRBIGLIA: Thank you. Thank you very much.
SAGAL: Kate welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill This Time? Bill Kurtis is going to perform for you three quotations from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize - Scorekeeper Emeritus Carl Castle's voice on your voicemail. Ready to play?
FITZSIMONS: Yes.
SAGAL: All right. Here is your first quote.
KURTIS: Not real. My little ass is a lot cuter than that.
SAGAL: That...
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SAGAL: Was singer Ariana Grande responding to what big or little story about computer hacking this week?
FITZSIMONS: The leak of a large number of pornographic pictures that had been hacked.
SAGAL: Go on.
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SAGAL: No, no, you're right, of course. Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: These are the hacked nude photos. We could have lead the show this week with news from Ukraine or Syria, but those people are not naked.
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SAGAL: Somebody hacked into the accounts of Ms. Grande, Jennifer Lawrence and several other well-known female celebrities, and stole their private nude photos. The pictures were stolen from the iCloud web storage service, which many new services including the BBC and Britain's "Daily Mail" had to explain to their audiences - not an actual cloud.
>(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Apparently...
FELBER: Yeah, actual clouds have even worse security.
SAGAL: It's true. But really, I mean, how - people were making this mistake. Apparently British people were standing outside under storm clouds waiting for it to start raining boobs.
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SAGAL: The big thing we learned in this whole incident was not that celebrity accounts can be hacked so easily, but that apparently everybody takes naked pictures of themselves.
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SAGAL: I didn't know this.
SALIE: I didn't either.
BIRBIGLIA: I did.
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SALIE: I mean, you know, I would have to have a touch of dysentery for a week followed by self-tanner before I would take a nude picture of myself.
BIRBIGLIA: Oh, I love those dysentery shots you took.
SAGAL: Oh, they're awesome.
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SALIE: I mean, have you ever taken a nude photo of yourself guys?
BIRBIGLIA: Maybe.
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BIRBIGLIA: No. I've always had that confusion whenever people video themselves having sex 'cause after I have sex, all I can think is at least no one saw that.
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SAGAL: That's the smallest comfort.
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SAGAL: Now your next quote is a man in New York standing in line outside a store in New York City.
KURTIS: We wanted to beat the record - 18 days.
SAGAL: That man, his name is Brian Ceballo. He is prepared to spend over two weeks waiting for what?
FITZSIMONS: The new iPhone.
SAGAL: Yes, the new iPhone. Very good.
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SAGAL: The big rumor swirling on the Apple-obsessive websites is 4.7 inches and 5.5 inches. That's both an answer to what will be the sizes of the new iPhones and what did we learn about Justin Bieber and Ryan Gosling from the iCloud hack.
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SAGAL: 'Cause this is the flipside - 'cause, you know, Apple is dealing with this iCloud breach 'cause that's their thing -iCloud. And they're dealing with this just before their big, major media event next week. The big announcement, everybody assumes, will be the iPhone 6, which will be an improvement on the once awesome, now sucky and unbearable iPhone 5S because it will be newer and it will have things like a bigger, clearer screen. And it will have a 6 on it, which is one more than 5.
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FELBER: Oh, I hate my phone now.
SALIE: Well, you know, I live in New York City. And on my block is a big Apple Store. And when these kind of things happen, it makes it really difficult to tell the iPhone enthusiasts from the homeless people.
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SAGAL: They end up smelling about the same.
SALIE: They are all on a sidewalk for a week together.
SAGAL: You can tell the homeless people because they generally are running Windows phones.
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BIRBIGLIA: Yeah. Wow.
SAGAL: Another thing - I don't know if you heard about this, but in addition to the iPhone 6, they're also going to announce their new Apple Wearable. That's a noun now - wearable. And people are like, oh, it's going to be, like, a watch or maybe, like, their version of Google Glass, right. But they should just roll out something to see how much of a sucker we are. Here's the new iRetainer.
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SAGAL: Here's the iSleep Apnea Mask. Try that on nerds. Hey, how about some pleated iPants.
SALIE: iCatheter.
SAGAL: Yeah. There you go.
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FELBER: That was an underrated movie.
SAGAL: Here is your next quote.
KURTIS: I don't care about the consequence. Put this plane down now.
SAGAL: That was the alleged words of a woman named Amy Fine, one of the people who demanded that their flight land immediately, why?
FITZSIMONS: Gosh. Are these the people fighting over the knee defender or the people...
SAGAL: Yes, the people who were fighting basically over reclining seats in airplanes.
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SAGAL: This third incident...
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SAGAL: ...Happened in a week. Two of these flights made emergency landings, on the other, an air marshal arrested a guy who wouldn't shut up about the woman in front of him reclining. You'd think these now common midair riots would get a response from the airlines. Only American Airlines has made any change. They've turned their first class seats around so the rich people can watch passengers in coach fight.
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SALIE: That woman who said put this plane down now...
SAGAL: Yeah.
SALIE: ...You know who leaned back into her?
SAGAL: Who?
SALIE: An elderly lady who was knitting.
SAGAL: She took it up with that issue with a woman holding needles?
SALIE: What do they say at the beginning o those safety films? They always say sit back and relax and enjoy the ride. They should change it to be sit forward, brace yourself and tolerate this flight.
SAGAL: Yeah.
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BIRBIGLIA: I want to know who's right. I don't even understand. Who are these knee lunatics?
SALIE: The knee fringe.
BIRBIGLIA: Yeah. Who are the knee - who are these people?
SALIE: And we haven't even gotten to what I call the Gaza Strip, which is the middle seat elbow up.
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SALIE: What do you call these?
SAGAL: Armrests.
FELBER: I feel that those belong to the person the middle seat.
SALIE: You know what? Fair enough 'cause they're deprived the extra aisle.
BIRBIGLIA: Yeah. Exactly.
SAGAL: Solved that one.
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SAGAL: Bill, oh, Bill, how did Kate do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Kate is three for three. What a winner.
SAGAL: Well done.
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SAGAL: Thank you, Kate.
FITZSIMONS: Thank you.
SAGAL: Bye-bye.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "LEAN ON ME")
BILL WITHERS: (Singing) Lean on me when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend. I'll help you carry on. For it won't be long till I'm going to need someone to lean on. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.