SCOTT DETROW, HOST:
If you're in multiple text threads with different people in your life - your siblings, your partner, your kid's teacher - it can be hard to stay on top of all of the messages. Who should you respond to first? How do you deal with that group chat that is always blowing up your phone? Life Kit's Malaka Gharib talks with Erica Dhawan, author of the book "Digital Body Language: How To Build Trust And Connection No Matter The Distance." She shares some tips on how to manage your text messages and deal with tricky texting situations.
MALAKA GHARIB, BYLINE: My sister, whom I love so very much, texts me a lot of social media videos - a video of a dog driving a car, a recipe for dill pickle pasta salad, even more dog videos. I can't keep up, so a lot of times I don't get back to her. I mean, does she really expect me to watch three videos in a row and respond in real time?
ERICA DHAWAN: So first of all, this is her way of showing love. This is her texting love language. When it comes to how you respond to this, a lot of it has to do with remembering what really matters here.
GHARIB: In other words, I should see the videos not as an assault on my time, but as tokens of my sister's love and appreciation. I mean, she's seeing things in the world and taking the time to send them to me because she's thinking of me. So I should take care in how to respond, too, and Erica says that might mean finding one time a week to watch all the videos and then sending a thoughtful response.
DHAWAN: It could be thinking about it as, you know, the postwork, 5 p.m. quick check in and, you know, one response per day. It could be once a week on Fridays, like, finally catching up after a busy work week.
GHARIB: And Erica says, if I don't have a chance to watch the videos, that's perfectly fine. I can simply write back, love these, to acknowledge and appreciate her gesture. OK, what happens if the shoe is on the other foot? It can be frustrating when you're texting someone and they don't text you back right away. In those cases, Erica says to practice empathy.
DHAWAN: We have no idea the situation of someone else receiving that. They could be with a screaming toddler. They could be on a toilet. They could be on a Zoom call. They could be in lots of different situations.
GHARIB: So cut people slack. They may have things going on in their lives that need more attention.
DHAWAN: We need to get over our reaction that everyone needs to respond immediately and kind of get over our own selves with that.
GHARIB: But sometimes you do need a timely, urgent response, and Erica has a little trick to get people to text you back. Let's say you're trying to plan a group outing to a concert and it's time to buy the tickets, but your friend hasn't replied yet.
DHAWAN: When it comes to a decision text, we have to actually ask a specific question. Like, here are the tickets. I'm going to buy them by tomorrow. Let me know today if you want me to buy you one. Make sure it's clear that a response time is needed.
GHARIB: And if they don't respond, maybe it's time to try a different tactic.
DHAWAN: So for example, you know, you have a - you have to book something, you know, in the next hour, and you still haven't gotten a response from someone, and it's quite urgent, and, you know, you need to get clarity on something. Don't shy away from when a phone call would be better.
GHARIB: I know for a lot of people, talking on the phone is a nightmare. But the fact of the matter is...
DHAWAN: When it's complex or sensitive, pick up the phone. A phone call is worth 1,000 text messages.
GHARIB: Sometimes an emoji just won't cut it. For NPR's Life Kit, I'm Malaka Gharib.
DETROW: For more Life Kit, go to npr.org/lifekit.
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