BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Paula Poundstone, Tom Bodett and Adam Burke. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill.
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SAGAL: Right now it's time for the WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME Bluff the Listener game. Give us a call at 1-888-WAITWAIT to play. Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
STEVEN LONERGAN: Hello, my name is Steven Lonergan. And I'm a park ranger at Horseshoe Bend National Military Park in central Alabama.
SAGAL: You anticipated all of my questions. I have...
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SAGAL: I have nothing left to offer you. No, thank you...
LONERGAN: It's a nice perk of the job. You get to know what questions people ask.
SAGAL: Yeah. So Horseshoe Bend Military Park - how many times are you giving a tour and, like, one of the members of the tour group, one of the visitors, tourists, keeps talking to let everybody know that he or she knows more about it than you do?
LONERGAN: It happens more often than you think sometimes. And less - and more often than you think...
SAGAL: Oh, not more often than I think, my friend.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Well, speaking on behalf of that entire section of the population, I'm sorry.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Well, Steven, welcome to the show. It's nice to have you with us. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Steven's topic?
KURTIS: Your accessories need accessories.
SAGAL: Whether it's a snazzy laptop bag or Beats by Dre headphones or Beats By Steve Inskeep headphones, you have to have the hottest accessory for your tech. This week, we read about a new peripheral that is truly something new. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one that is telling the truth and you will win our prize, Carl Kasell's voice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play?
LONERGAN: I'll give it a shot. Why not?
SAGAL: Yeah, why not? We're on the phone. Might as well. What else you got to do? All right, here we go. Your first story of a new tech accessory comes from Adam Burke.
ADAM BURKE: For the literal-minded tech geek in your life comes the latest Bluetooth headset from South Korea which is literally a blue tooth that you set in your head.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: Maverick inventor Ban De Sung (ph) has created a tiny communication device covered in cerulean enamel that will replace one of your current boring, nonconnected molars or bicuspids and act as a handy intracranial receiver and microphone. The human skull is inherently a great amplifier, acoustically speaking, explained De Sung.
Wearable tech is all the rage in South Korea with consumers there rushing to embrace the cybernetic revolution in ways that go beyond Fitbits or earbuds. According to Wired magazine's Tyler Grayson (ph), it might sound a little extreme to get a phone accessory that requires oral surgery in order to install it, but the market has been crying out for this kind of next step.
As for actually using the blue tooth Bluetooth, De Sung insists activating the device is simplicity itself. To pick up a call, you merely jerk your head to the left and then jerk to the right again to hang it up. To dial, you either really think about the number really hard, or for an extra fee they can install a keypad into your other teeth that you dial with your tongue.
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BURKE: There are skeptics, but De Sung dismisses such naysayers. The genius of it is it works like a regular dental implant. You can chew, talk, anything, all while taking a call in the privacy of your own head. You have an electric toothbrush. Why not an electric tooth?
SAGAL: A Bluetooth headset that's really a blue tooth.
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SAGAL: Your next story of a new add-on comes from Tom Bodett.
TOM BODETT: Experts often claim that social media is fanning the flames of conflict in our political process. Dorothy (ph) and Nick Porter (ph) disagree. Social media and the Internet are the flames, said Dorothy, a medical device developer. And we're holding our own feet to the fire, added her software engineer husband Nick. The pair studied the stress that combative Internet time causes people, and Earwig is their answer to the nastiness of life online.
The device, when inserted into the ear, monitors a variety of subtle physical signs of growing anger - jaw clenching, rapid heart rate, rising ear temperature and blood pressure. If you're online when these signs are detected, the Earwig uses its Bluetooth connection with your device to calm down the Internet. Twitter and Facebook postings done in all caps are automatically reduced to lowercase, and exclamation points are eliminated.
A simple, Delta Airlines gave away my seat in unpunctuated small font means something very different when presented in caps lock with 12 exclamation points and a poop emoji. If after these initial adjustments symptoms persist, the device will then modify common trollisms (ph) across the social media such as right-wing nut job and snowflake to appear as registered Republican and you seem like a sensitive soul, respectively.
(LAUGHTER)
BODETT: Nick Porter describes it as if you gave the Internet an English degree and a hit of ecstasy.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: The Earwig that monitors your mood and, if necessary, changes what your phone is telling you. Your last story of a way to step up your tech comes from Paula Poundstone.
PAULA POUNDSTONE: The HandL iPhone Butt Case is almost here. It is an elastic hand brace system equipped with a silicone-infused set of twin buns covered in a soft layer that have an ergonomic value. Creator Allen Hirsch explains touching the buttocks has been one of the most pleasant tactile experiences I have known.
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POUNDSTONE: And that he became obsessed with combining the screen experience with the real-world tactile feel of a buttocks. Such obsessions can ruin a person's personal life. One can imagine Mr. Hirsch uncommunicatively sculpting his mashed potatoes into the shape of a phone butt case while his wife weeps in despair at the dinner table.
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POUNDSTONE: Allen, talk to us, what's wrong with you? Must make butt case. Must make butt case. Or at a parent-teacher conference at his child's school - Mr. Hirsch, your daughter seems socially isolated and isn't doing at all well in phonics. Really? Put your hand on my butt and tell me how that feels.
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: The Butt Case costs about $70 and can be preordered. Surely the breast phone case and the flagpole wiener phone case can't be far behind and would also sell like hotcakes based on their ergonomic properties.
SAGAL: All right, here are your choices.
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SAGAL: I'm sure like all the rest of America you have a smartphone. You probably are interested in buying an accessory for it. You can buy one of these. Is it from Adam Burke, a Bluetooth headset that's really a blue tooth that goes right in your head; from Tom Bodett, the Earwig that monitors your mood and will adjust your input as needed; or from Paula Poundstone, the butt case where you get to pull out your phone and enjoy the tactile experience of touching a little butt? Which of these is the real story of a tech accessory?
LONERGAN: Let's see, as much as I love the third one, that's probably not the right one.
SAGAL: Wait a minute, you actually mean of the three that's the one you personally would like most?
(LAUGHTER)
LONERGAN: No (laughter). The first two don't sound believable. Heck, let's go with the third one.
SAGAL: You're going to go with the third one, which is the butt iPhone case. All right, well, we actually spoke - we were so honored to speak to the person who invented this remarkable thing.
ALLEN HIRSCH: It's easy to imagine it feels like a butt. It has a very nice (unintelligible).
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: That was Allen Hirsch. He is the inventor of The Butt Case and CEO of HandL phone company. Congratulations, you got it right. You earned a point for Paula. You have won our prize, the voice of Carl Kasell on your voicemail. Congratulations. Thank you so much for playing.
(SOUNDBITE OF THE METERS SONG, "GOOD OLD FUNKY MUSIC") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.