BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Luke Burbank, Ophira Eisenberg and Roxanne Roberts. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you Bill.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Thank you Bill. Thank you so much. Right now, it's time for the WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME Bluff The Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air.
Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.
JOHN COMPOSE: Hey, how are you? This is John Compose from Topeka, Kansas.
SAGAL: John Compose?
COMPOSE: Compose.
SAGAL: You're in Topeka?
COMPOSE: Yes sir.
SAGAL: I haven't been to Topeka in a long time. How are things in Topeka?
COMPOSE: It's scary. It's very scary here.
SAGAL: It's scary?
KURTIS: Peter, I started in Topeka...
SAGAL: Yeah, I know.
KURTIS: ...On a TV show.
SAGAL: Like you're - son of the plains.
KURTIS: Yes, the Midwest. So John, welcome.
SAGAL: Well, John, welcome to our show. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is John's topic?
KURTIS: Being president's hard.
SAGAL: There are many perks to elected office - people to boss around, Secret Service agents, you get bribes on a regular basis. But there are also some risks. This week we read a story about a politician who endured a job-related danger. Guess the real peril of a public office and you will win Carl Kasell's voice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play?
COMPOSE: Sure..
SAGAL: First let's hear from Luke Burbank.
LUKE BURBANK: The race for Public Utilities Commissioner of Ankeny, Iowa was won, as everybody pretty much knows, by Fred Freezma. This was notable because Fred spent election night watching the returns from a hospital bed where he'd been confined with breathing difficulties and other mysterious symptoms.
Well, initially I figured Barry might be behind it, Freezma told the Polk County Times - Barry being Barry Treehorn, his Republican opponent in the race. He wanted the position real bad, said Fred. But if you ask me, he just wanted it for the glitz and glamour of telling folks he's the Utilities Commissioner. For his part, Barry Treehorn denied any involvement in having poisoned, quote, "that jackass Fred."
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: The police agreed, though it took them a week to figure out who the real culprit was - 9-month-old Haley Cooper of nearby Pella, Iowa. Cooper tested positive for Enterovirus D68, which manifests as a severe flu and cold and can by contracted through kissing, among other things.
I guess I could've kissed her, said Fred. I mean, I kissed half the babies in Polk County while I was campaigning. Fortunately, both Fred and Haley have made full recoveries. Things even turned out OK for Barry Treehorn, who was elected High Exalted Ruler of the Elks Lodge.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: A politician wins but gets deathly sick from kissing one too many babies. Your next story of an elected official suffering for higher office comes from Roxanne Roberts.
ROXANNE ROBERTS: Newly elected Miami Commissioner Andre Thomas promised never to lose touch with his voters. In fact, his campaign slogan was dinner with Andre - a pledge to eat a meal with every household in his district during his four-year term. In the eight weeks since the election, Thomas has turned up at 33 homes - usually with a roasted chicken. The conversations have been great, everyone agrees, but the food - eh. Thomas has hired an extra staffer to coordinate and schedule the dinners, but a vegan voter vetoed vegetarian fare and four seniors complained Thomas didn't show up for dinner until 5:45 p.m.
(LAUGHTER)
ROBERTS: The Commissioner told the Miami Herald he intends to honor his pledge despite the fact he's already gained ten pounds - quote, "occupational hazard," he explained with a laugh.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: The mayor of Miami gains too much weight and annoys a lot of people with his dinner with everybody program. Your last story of a politico with a problemo comes from Ophira Eisenberg.
OPHIRA EISENBERG, BYLINE: Will Flanagan, the former mayor of Fall River, Rhode Island, was enjoying a peaceful night at home when he glanced out his front window and noticed the interior light on in his SUV. He went outside to find a man breaking into his car who shouted, I'm going to kill you. You lost the election. The man brandished a weapon that he had found inside of the mayor's SUV, a pair of comically large scissors fresh from a recent ribbon-cutting ceremony. He menaced Flanagan, dangerously snipping the air with the oversized clippers until Flanagan calmly walked away to call 911. The police were able to apprehend the shears-wielding felon easily without having to resort to throwing a giant foam rock on top.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Here are your three stories that of a politician enduring hardship because of the duties of his office. From Luke Burbank, the guy who got elected Public Utility Commissioner but got sick because he kissed too many babies. From Roxanne Roberts, a guy who promised to eat with every constituent has gained weight and made everybody mad. Or from Ophira Eisenberg, a mayor attacked - attacked I tell you, with his own pair of ceremonial giant scissors that he used for ribbon cuttings. Which of these is the real story of a politician in trouble we found in the week's news?
COMPOSE: I'm going to go with the scissors one.
SAGAL: You are?
COMPOSE: Yes.
SAGAL: All right. Your choice then is Ophira's story. Well, we spoke to someone familiar with this story.
(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED RECORDING)
JO C. GOODE: Mayor Flanagan found a man going through his belongings. And then the man ran around a corner, came back with the giant pair of ceremonial scissors.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: That was Jo C. Goode, a reporter for the Herald News in Fall River, Massachusetts talking about the attack of the giant scissors. Congratulations, John. You got it right. Well done. You were confident for a reason.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: You earned a point for Ophira. You've won our prize. Our old friend Carl Kasell will record the greeting on your voicemail. Well done, sir. Congratulation, John.
COMPOSE: Thank you.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SNIP SNIP")
THE TIGER LILLIES: (Singing) He's got his great long scissors out. Snip, snip, the scissors go. Conrad cries out oh. Snip, snip. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.