GLYNN WASHINGTON, HOST:
Welcome back to SNAP JUDGEMENT from PRX and NPR. The "Picking Up the Pieces" episode. My name is Glynn Washington and you know that sometimes the hardest challenges are those we do not see coming. Our next story from writer Manuel Gonzalez, comes to us from the not-too-distant future, where people are people - until they're not.
DOUG CORDELL, BYLINE: Everything looks great - your vitals, everything. But there's something we need tell you, and well there's no easy way to put this.
PAT MESITI-MILLER, BYLINE: Am I sick?
CORDELL: No, in fact you can't get sick because well - you're a robot.
MESITI-MILLER: Huh? A robot?
CORDELL: It's exciting right? This is very exciting for us. We hope it's exciting for you too.
MESITI-MILLER: He's been my doctor since I was a kid. Except I guess I never was a kid. The doctor and the assistant open up my head and they hold up a mirror so I can see it for myself. None of this seems entirely necessary. The assistant takes a slender metal poker and pokes inside and pokes inside and pokes inside.
CORDELL: See?
MESITI-MILLER: And this makes my arm move.
CORDELL: Watch this.
MESITI-MILLER: And this makes my stomp - makes my eyes blink and blink and blink.
CORDELL: Pretty cool right?
MESITI-MILLER: He motions to the assistant for her to stop - but what about my parents?
CORDELL: Actors. And boy good ones when you say?
MESITI-MILLER: But that's not what I mean. What I mean is - what am I going to tell my parents? How my going to explain this to my parents? They seemed so earnest.
CORDELL: Of course they seem to earnest. They were very well-paid actors.
MESITI-MILLER: I look out. I know I didn't say that out loud. He smiles.
CORDELL: Sorry. We're getting a readout. Right here, see.
MESITI-MILLER: His assistant shows me the computer screen - which is full of my thoughts. I think about thinking about thoughts and a new line appears at the top of the screen. I think, oh my God. And the line oh my God appears on the screen. And then I think without wanting to think it I'm not even plugged into anything. And that appears to. And they read that line and the assistant points of the screen.
ELIZA SMITH, BYLINE: Wireless.
MESITI-MILLER: Can you shut that off?
CORDELL: Sure, sure no problem.
MESITI-MILLER: But they don't. They run tests - they set me in a harness for the first tests, which are invasive, centered around probes, removal of limbs, drawing of blood. Why is there blood? To test reactions, to test for humanness, to test my pain sensors, or so the doctor's assistant explains - not to me, but to the doctor. She looks like a student or something - maybe she's a grad student, part of the class?
SMITH: Now is this actual pain?
MESITI-MILLER: I scream.
SMITH: Or is this - this right here - programming?
MESITI-MILLER: I writhe.
CORDELL: You tell me.
MESITI-MILLER: But these tests - which are bad - are not the worst. They set me on a treadmill.
SMITH: Just run as fast as you can, as long as you can.
MESITI-MILLER: But I'm not very fast and I can't run very long. Next they set me on a desk.
SMITH: You'll have two hours to finish this written exam. There are math problems and logic problems mainly.
MESITI-MILLER: And when the two hours are up, she takes a booklet away, unfinished - not nearly finished - and flips through my answers and nods her head and shows them to the doctor - who nods his head. Then they give me wires and circuits and boards and asked me to build something out of these.
CORDELL: Maybe a computer of some kind? But really, whatever you want to build.
SMITH: Go on.
MESITI-MILLER: Having no idea what to do with any of it and running out of time, I just start to connect things at random. The thing that I build - which is really a thing at all - it doesn't work. At the end of it all I ask them - how did I do? They look at each other.
CORDELL: Fine. You're doing just fine, don't worry.
MESITI-MILLER: I feel winded and I want to leave - to go back to my job. It's a temp job and I'm not very important at it. But it's the only job I have and I ask for the morning off and now it's almost the end of the day and I'm worried that they're going to fire me. The doctor smiles - he's been reading the screen.
CORDELL: Don't worry, we'll let them know. You'll be fine.
MESITI-MILLER: Then the assistant - she will the television set into the room - more testing? She smiles.
SMITH: Just a TV.
MESITI-MILLER: She plugged it in and hands me a remote.
SMITH: You can get just about any channel. Not Showtime - but all the others. And there are movies - movies and video games. Just press this button here.
MESITI-MILLER: She points to the large yellow button on the remote control labeled movies, games.
CORDELL: Do whatever you'd like while we're gone.
MESITI-MILLER: Gone?
CORDELL: We have a meeting, about you, about the tests. It won't take more than an hour or so. And then will be back and we can talk about it, OK?
MESITI-MILLER: The assistant opens up the door for the doctor. And then the doctor he turns to me...
CORDELL: Now don't you go on any kind of murderous death-to-humans rampage while were gone.
( LAUGHTER)
MESITI-MILLER: This is a really funny joke, I guess. So I laugh too - because what else can I do? And then they're gone.
WASHINGTON: Thank you very much robot, for sharing it your story with SNAP. In a real universal health care system though, you would be entitled to a second opinion - get a second opinion. This story was written by Manuel González - I a link to all that is Manuel and his work at snapjudgment.org. The snap players were the robot Pat Mestili-Miller, the doctor Doug Cordell, the assistant Eliza Smith. This was produced by Eliza Smith, the sound design by Leon Morimoto. You've gotten this far, so congratulate yourself with a SNAP JUDGMENT T-shirt SNAP VIP tickets, other SNAP swag available right now at snapjudgment.org.
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