Lightning Fill In The Blank

Mar 14, 2020
Originally published on March 14, 2020 11:27 am
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can - each correct answer's now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS: Helen and Tom each have six points. Peter has four.

SAGAL: Wow. So, Peter, you're in third place. You're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. After dropping almost 29% since February, the blank officially entered a bare market.

PETER GROSZ: (Laughter) Oh, god - the Dow Jones.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, the U.S. troop withdrawal began in blank.

GROSZ: New Rochelle - no. I...

SAGAL: Afghanistan.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Afghanistan.

SAGAL: All right. I get it.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, the House announced it would vote on a bill for paid blank leave.

GROSZ: Sick leave.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: At a rally on Monday, Reverend Jesse Jackson endorsed blank for president.

GROSZ: Bernie.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A man in Louisiana, who was pulled over for driving with plates that had expired in 1997, explained to police he hadn't renewed them because blank.

GROSZ: He stole that car.

SAGAL: No, because he's been busy.

HELEN HONG: (Laughter).

SAGAL: This week, a hospital in Tennessee announced they would not charge medical fees to victims of last week's blank.

GROSZ: They were tornadoes.

SAGAL: Yes, they were.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, blank had to apologize after saying it paid female players less because their job requires less skill than male players.

GROSZ: U.S. soccer?

SAGAL: Yes, U.S. soccer.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: As if middle school gym class was not traumatizing...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Enough already, there's a new version of dodgeball played with blank.

GROSZ: Razors.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A bow and arrow.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: What?

SAGAL: Archery dodgeball is exactly what it sounds like. Players line up on either side of the room and then fire bow and arrows at each other until one team is eliminated. The whole game lasts about 30 minutes. And then there's a two-hour break to have the arrows removed and cleaned of blood.

GROSZ: This was a...

HONG: Wow.

SAGAL: This is "Game Of Thrones," isn't it?

HONG: Is this like "Hunger Games" high school?

GROSZ: Yeah.

SAGAL: Pretty much - no. Actually, it's played by adults. And they use foam-tipped arrows.

HONG: Wow.

GROSZ: Now, that's fun.

SAGAL: It's probably a lot of fun.

GROSZ: That's fun, actually.

SAGAL: Bill, how did Peter do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Very well - six right - 12 more points - total of 16 - in the lead.

SAGAL: We flipped a coin. Tom's elected to go first. Here we go. Fill in the blank, Tom. This week, WAIT WAIT guest host blank revealed he had tested positive for coronavirus.

GROSZ: Oh, no.

TOM BODETT: Tom Hanks.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, Russian President blank backed an amendment that would let him remain in office until 2036.

BODETT: Putin.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, Cory Booker and Andrew Yang became the latest former rivals to endorse blank.

BODETT: Joe Biden.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Senator Ted Cruz announced he was self-quarantining after coming into contact with coronavirus while attending blank.

BODETT: The CPAC.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: People in Spain were panicked when a lion was spotted roaming around town. They were relieved to discover blank.

BODETT: It was a cowardly lion.

SAGAL: No, it was just a dog with a funny haircut.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: On Monday, Virginia became the latest state to decriminalize blank.

BODETT: Cursing.

SAGAL: No, marijuana.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This week, a middle school in Florida had to be evacuated...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

GROSZ: ...After a student mistook blank for a bottle of Axe body spray.

BODETT: (Laughter) What could smell worse than Axe body spray?

SAGAL: (Laughter).

BODETT: My whole house is just, like - it's just complex carbon molecule...

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Two teenage boys upstairs - it was - he must have mistaken, like, butane.

SAGAL: No.

BODETT: Oh.

SAGAL: A bottle of pepper spray.

BODETT: Oh, Lord.

SAGAL: This is not, by the way, the story wherein his high school had to be evacuated because of the Axe body spray. This was worse.

BODETT: OK. Who was the jerk on - in his gym class who swapped his Axe...

SAGAL: You think that's what happened?

BODETT: Yeah, of course. It did.

SAGAL: You think it was a prank?

BODETT: I went to middle school.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Tom do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Four right - eight more points - total of 14 - but Peter is still in the lead.

SAGAL: All right. How many then does Helen need to win?

KURTIS: Five to tie and six to win.

SAGAL: Here we go, Helen. This is for the game. On Monday, Prince Harry and blank officially ended their royal duties.

HONG: Meghan Markle.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a judge sentenced disgraced producer blank to 23 years in prison.

HONG: Harvey Weinstein.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Oil prices fell sharply on Monday after Saudi Arabia began a price war with blank.

HONG: Russia.

GROSZ: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: In order to prevent people from stealing toilet paper, a grocery store in Japan blanked.

HONG: Locked up the toilet paper.

SAGAL: Put a curse on it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: On Sunday, the blank dogsled race began in Alaska.

HONG: The Iditarod.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, former Infowars host blank was arrested for driving while intoxicated.

HONG: Alex Jones.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a state senator in Michigan was ordered...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...To take sexual harassment sensitivity training after allegedly harassing a woman during blank.

HONG: A sensitivity training.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Sexual harassment sensitivity training - according to reports, Senator Peter Lucido was attending a required sexual harassment seminar for all government employees when he sexually harassed some government employees. Lucido has apologized and said all of this is a huge misunderstanding. He thought the seminar was teaching you how to sexually harass.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, did Helen do well enough to win?

KURTIS: She got six right - 12 more points. And her total of 18 wins.

SAGAL: Yay.

HONG: Oh, my God. And the crowd goes wild.

KURTIS: (Laughter).

HONG: Wow. You five people sound like 5,000 people.

BODETT: No. They sound like 10.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Five - yeah - maybe on a good day. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.