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Panel Questions

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Roxanne Roberts, Tom Papa and Joel Kim Booster. And here again is your host, a man who writes love letters to his hand sanitizer in iambic pentameter, Peter Sagal.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill shines bright like a lime-ond (ph) in our Listener Limerick Challenge.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: (Laughter).

SAGAL: If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924. Now it is time for a game we like to call...

KURTIS: The Viral Load.

SAGAL: Coronavirus news comes out faster than Donald Trump runs that last 10 feet of ramp - momentum. We're going to ask you some questions about it, rapid-fire style. Get it right, you get a point. You ready to play?

JOEL KIM BOOSTER: I guess.

ROBERTS: You bet.

SAGAL: Here we go, guys. Roxanne, true or false - a Jacksonville woman says she regrets going out to celebrate the end of lockdown with 15 friends after five of them tested positive for coronavirus.

ROBERTS: False.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: All 15 of them tested positive, plus the woman herself. Tom, true or false - a new U.K. guide for staying safe while visiting other's homes advises men to pee sitting down.

TOM PAPA: False.

SAGAL: No, that's true. Joel, true or false - the NBA's new 113-page rules for conduct as they open up their season explicitly prohibits players from sharing jockstraps.

BOOSTER: False.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: They prohibit players from sharing snorkels. I guess the game has changed since the last time I watched it. Roxanne, true or false - due to coronavirus concerns, 7-Eleven is canceling free Slurpee day this year.

ROBERTS: False.

SAGAL: True.

PAPA: (Laughter).

SAGAL: Joel, true or false - CNN referred to Donald Trump's claims about coronavirus as a lie.

BOOSTER: False.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: They said it's, quote, "the opposite of true." Roxanne, true or the opposite of true - a butcher in Australia give a man a massive bag of meat he didn't ask for because he thought the man, quote, "looked corona-y (ph)" and could use the protein.

ROBERTS: I'm going to say true.

SAGAL: No, false. He just handed him a big bag of meat 'cause he couldn't understand what the man was ordering with his mask on.

ROBERTS: (Laughter).

SAGAL: Tom, true or false - New York was criticized for unveiling a new anti-coronavirus slogan with grammatical errors.

PAPA: True.

SAGAL: No, false - they were criticized because the slogan spells out the word slut. New York...

PAPA: (Laughter).

SAGAL: ...Smart, loving, united, tough.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Joel, true or false - it was reported that many Canadians are marking the passage of time by counting the bears taking over their cities.

BOOSTER: False.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: They're marking the passage of time by looking at the length of Justin Trudeau's hair. We would do this in America, but our leader's hair strangely never seems to change.

(SOUNDBITE OF CAN YOU FLOW'S "MY NAME IS")

SAGAL: Now it's time for some more questions from the rest of this week's news. Joel, there's a new AI technology for your phone. It's not a game you can play or even an app to talk to other people. This app is your very own what?

BOOSTER: Conscience.

SAGAL: No, although Lord knows some of us could use it.

BOOSTER: It's an app that is not for communicating with other people.

SAGAL: No.

BOOSTER: But it is your very own - God, what don't they have? That's what I...

SAGAL: Well, some of the people who use it don't have a lot of other people to communicate with, so they get this.

BOOSTER: Oh, imaginary friend.

SAGAL: Yes, exactly.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: It's an app that will act as your best friend. Friendships, we know, are hard, especially ones with real people with needs and feelings. But you can forget human friends with the new AI best friend technology called ChatBot. It assists with isolation and loneliness by texting you out of the blue like a actual friend will. And more than half a million people have downloaded it during social isolation. Now, the free version is just a good friend. But this is true - you can pay $10 a month extra for it to get romantic.

BOOSTER: Oh, my God.

SAGAL: Yes, Joel. Love is the ultimate in-app purchase.

PAPA: (Laughter).

BOOSTER: Can you pay extra to have the app talk about you behind your back to your other friends?

(LAUGHTER)

PAPA: Like, to your other imaginary - to your other devices?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Oh, that's the catty upgrade.

(LAUGHTER)

PAPA: Alexa's in the corner. I don't like her either.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Tom, there's been a lot of businesses going under during the pandemic, but one is thriving. It's an app called Globe that allows people to rent a space to do what?

PAPA: Dance.

SAGAL: No.

PAPA: Sleep.

SAGAL: No. I'll give you a hint. Normally, you accomplish this by going to work.

PAPA: To leave your house.

SAGAL: To get away from what that's in your house?

PAPA: Your family.

SAGAL: Yes, to get away from your family...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Because your family...

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

PAPA: Well, that's obvious.

SAGAL: Yes. Well, is your family driving you nuts during the lockdown? No problem. You put away your noise-canceling headphones and open up your family-cancelling app. Globe was started as a way for people to rent out quiet spaces if they need a moment to relax, sort of like Airbnb but by the hour. But now people don't need to relax. They need to get the hell away from their beloved spouses before something snaps. So they rent a space and sneak off for a while. It's like having an illicit affair with yourself.

BOOSTER: Is there - for those of us who live alone already, is there some sort of exchange program where I could rent a space to go and spend time with a beloved spouse?

(LAUGHTER)

BOOSTER: That would be really helpful.

SAGAL: Well, you can pay $10 to that other app.

BOOSTER: Oh, yeah.

SAGAL: That would be close.

BOOSTER: That's true. That's true.

ROBERTS: (Laughter).

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "ESCAPE")

ALICE COOPER: (Singing) Escape, I get out when I can. I escape anytime I can. It's all escape. I'm crying in my beer. Come on. Let's escape. Just get me out of here. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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