Limericks

Dec 14, 2019
Originally published on December 14, 2019 1:28 pm
Copyright 2019 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. And if you want more WAIT WAIT... in your week, check out the WAIT WAIT... quiz for your smart speaker. It's out every Wednesday with me and Bill asking you questions while mining your personal data for our profit and amusement.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

ASHLEY VICARI: Hi, this is Ashley from Nashville.

SAGAL: Hey, Ashley from Nashville, which kind of rhymes.

VICARI: Hello.

SAGAL: Don't tell me you hadn't noticed that before.

VICARI: No.

SAGAL: Well, there you go.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: That's because it doesn't rhyme, Ashley.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: So don't feel foolish, unless, of course, you lived in Nashley (ph).

(LAUGHTER)

PETER GROSZ: It's one of those rare first-syllable rhymes.

SAGAL: Yeah.

POUNDSTONE: I'm not sure that my boss Peter knows what a rhyme is.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Ashley.

VICARI: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready to play?

VICARI: Yes.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: When signs of decay don't appear, the doctor will never be near. Three-sixty-five days he is keeping away because our apples stay crisp a whole...

VICARI: Year.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: If you ever looked at a piece of fresh, delicious fruit and thought, I wish this was older, than the cosmic crisp might be the apple for you. It's a new strain of apple. It's said to be crispy and tart and can last in your fridge for up to a year. But if you want to try a year-old apple right now, just head down to the free breakfast at any Holiday Inn Express.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Apples are everywhere. Who - like, you can get a new apple every day.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: It's not like, oh, it's an apple. Don't touch it. We're only going to get another one a year from now.

SAGAL: All right. Here, Ashley, is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Playing video games is my plan. There's no time for a plate, pot or pan. My Christmas meal prop is an easy pop-top. There's three courses all packed in one...

KURTIS: Can?

KURTIS: Yes, it is.

SAGAL: Did you say can? Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: If you love Christmas but wish it were much sadder, now you can enjoy your holiday meal straight from a can. Christmas Meal in a Can offers none of the trouble of cooking or spending time with your family and all the joy of feeding yourself as you would a dog.

(LAUGHTER)

FAITH SALIE: I saw what it looks like out of the can. It's like a gelatinous, like...

SAGAL: Oh, it's the worst.

SALIE: ...Tri-colored thing.

SAGAL: It's British, of course.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And it's kind of like - it's a layered thing. You got, like, a layer of mashed potatoes on a layer of turkey on a layer of cranberry sauce.

SALIE: But it's all aspicy (ph).

SAGAL: Yeah. And on the very bottom is a soggy Christmas card from your aunt with $2 in it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: That duct tape banana, I hate it. More than 100 grand is what I rate it. Oh, sure it is art. So I'm playing my part. Because I was hungry, I...

VICARI: Ate it.

SAGAL: Yes, ate it.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A banana - you probably have heard this - duct taped to a wall sold for $120,000 at the Art Basel Art Fair in Miami, and then someone ate it. Even worse, the banana eater is a performance artist who says he would have eaten it sooner - this is true - but he just wasn't hungry. Seriously, if he wanted it to stay there, he should have made it a red delicious taped to the wall.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah. Right?

SAGAL: No one would have touched it. Bill, how did Ashley do on our quiz?

KURTIS: 3-0. She's a big winner.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Ashley.

(APPLAUSE)

VICARI: Yay, thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "APPLES AND BANANAS")

RAFFI: (Singing) I like to eat, eat, eat apples and bananas. I like to... Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.