Limericks

Nov 16, 2019
Originally published on November 16, 2019 1:28 pm
Copyright 2019 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. And if you want more WAIT WAIT in your week - and who doesn't? - check out the WAIT WAIT quiz for your smart speaker. It's out every Wednesday with me and Bill asking you questions. You've never heard a smart speaker be so dumb.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

ANDREA TERRY: Hi.

SAGAL: Hi. Who's this?

TERRY: This is Andrea from San Luis Obispo.

SAGAL: San Luis Obispo. I happen to know and love San Luis Obispo, Calif., and the Central Coast. What do you do there?

TERRY: I am a faculty member in the communication studies department at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo.

SAGAL: Oh, Cal Poly. I know it. What do you teach there?

TERRY: I teach communication studies classes.

SAGAL: All right, I actually have a very - there's something I've always wanted to ask a communication studies professor. What is communication studies?

(LAUGHTER)

TERRY: We study human communication and its...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You communicated that very well. Welcome to the show, Andrea. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to play?

TERRY: Sure.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Because of jelly, my belly has rolls. And for cream centers, I lose control. But now I can go nuts on these locale doughnuts. For diets, they've added a...

TERRY: Roll.

SAGAL: No. Rhymes with that, though.

TERRY: A hole.

SAGAL: A hole, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: A hole, yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The British bakery chain Greggs is famous for their particular filled pastries, but they have decided to innovate and make it healthier. They literally cut a hole in it. Congratulations, Greggs, you have invented the doughnut again.

(LAUGHTER)

TOM BODETT: Right. And I have found that's not a diet food.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, here's the bizarre thing. They say it is. This is a totally straight-faced healthy eating campaign. They say by putting a hole in our doughnut we have removed this number of calories. And so they are recommending, and I am not kidding, the doughnut diet. It's a great idea. It makes all your food healthy. Cut a hole in a double cheeseburger. Cut a hole in the middle of the pizza. Do you like Froot Loops? Good news, they're already a diet food.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: With coffee and juice as our drinkies, we spoon in this stuff with raised pinkies. With snack cakes by Hostess, our breakfast is toastless. We're having a bowl full of...

TERRY: Twinkies.

KURTIS: Yeah.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Twinkies, very good. The newest thing in the cereal aisle will be Twinkies cereal. As they say, it's part of a complete breakfast, especially the part that makes you feel terrible.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The cereal will be available late December, just in time for your New Year's resolution to gain more weight.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The company is already developing the low-calorie version of the breakfast cereal where each little Twinkie has a teeny-tiny hole cut in it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: OK, Andrea, here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Rod Stewart's not drinking Champagne yet. He's rocked out and worked up a drained sweat. He's back in his room with toot, toot and zoom, zoom because he tours with his big model...

TERRY: I'm having such a hard time.

SAGAL: It is true. You know, I'll just give it to you, and you're going - you're going to know it as soon as I say it. It's train set.

TERRY: Oh, a train set.

SAGAL: A train set. So we're talking about Rod Stewart, the now-70-year-old rocker. There was a time when Rod Stewart wanted to know if you thought he was sexy. These days, the sexiest thing to Rod Stewart is Thomas the Tank Engine.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It turns out - I had no idea that for many, many years, Rod Stewart has built model train layouts. According to an exclusive report by Railway Modeller magazine - this is all true - he does this even when out on tour. He books an extra hotel room just to have workspace. Instead of hooking up with groupies, he's now hooking up train cars.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: The morning sun, when it hits your train, really shows your age.

SAGAL: Something like that, yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Andrea do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Two for three - Andrea, you still won.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Andrea.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well done.

TERRY: Thank you.

SAGAL: Thank you so much.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.