Lightning Fill In The Blank

Jan 18, 2020
Originally published on January 19, 2020 2:19 am
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now onto our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer's worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS: Maeve has three. Tom and Helen each have two.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We've flipped a coin, and Tom has elected to go first. So, Tom, fill in the blank. On Wednesday, President Trump signed phase one of his trade deal with blank.

TOM BODETT: China.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, Nancy Pelosi called social media site blank a shameful company that had intentionally misled users.

BODETT: Facebook.

SAGAL: Right. This week, Virginia became...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...The 38th state to pass the blank amendment.

BODETT: Equal rights.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, former National Security Adviser blank filed a motion to withdraw his guilty plea.

BODETT: Flynn.

SAGAL: Yes, Michael Flynn.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A massive snowstorm in Vancouver led local schools to cancel the scheduled blank.

BODETT: Snow party.

SAGAL: Close enough - snowball fight.

BODETT: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: With 11 total nominations, "Joker" led the pack for the 92nd annual blank awards.

BODETT: Oscars.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, "Jeopardy's" Greatest Of All Time tournament was won by blank.

BODETT: Oh, what was his name? It wasn't the Ken Jennings guy. It was the - it was...

SAGAL: No. It was Ken Jennings.

BODETT: Oh, it was.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Border Patrol officers in South Texas say...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...They're struggling to deal with an influx of blank.

BODETT: Tortoises.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Good guess, though.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Here they come.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They're still coming.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This Border Patrol station...

HELEN HONG: Get it?

SAGAL: ...In south Texas is dealing with - they're occupied by 300 vomiting, pooping vultures.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Oh, I'll take the tortoises.

SAGAL: This Border Patrol station has a radio tower. It's in south Texas, and it's become a haven for vultures. Hundreds of them have started to perch on it, poop on it and vomit on it. The Border agents call it a nuisance. But the vultures say it's a gesture of professional respect.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Tom do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Tom had six right, 12 more points, total of 14. He moves into the lead.

SAGAL: All right.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right, Helen. You're up next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, Chuck Schumer said he had enough votes to pass a resolution that would limit the president's war powers against blank.

HONG: Iran.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, Cory Booker became the latest Democrat to drop his bid for blank.

HONG: President.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, the Senate approved the USMCA, a new trade deal meant to replace blank.

HONG: NAFTA.

SAGAL: Right. On Tuesday...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...The Supreme Court heard arguments relating to New Jersey's so-called blank gate.

HONG: New Jersey's so-called Jersey-gate.

SAGAL: No, Bridgegate. To help out a coastal town affected by wildfires, the Australian Navy launched a ship to deliver blank.

HONG: Carrots.

SAGAL: No, 800 gallons of beer. On Wednesday...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...NASA confirmed that the 2010s were the blankest decade on record.

HONG: Hottest.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Whitney Houston and the Notorious B.I.G. were among the nominees for the 2020 blank.

HONG: Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After Carlos Ghosn's daring escape from Japan last week, a company...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...There is warning citizens not to blank.

HONG: Let in strangers into their house?

SAGAL: No, not to hide themselves inside musical instrument cases.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: What?

SAGAL: Well, Yamaha says that trying to fit your whole body into one of their instrument cases could be dangerous. That's a warning they had to give after the disgraced head of Nissan allegedly fled Japan for Lebanon by hiding in one and then having it put on a plane. It seems uncomfortable to be in a box for that long, but his other option was a Nissan.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Helen do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, Helen, you had five right. She has ten more points. With a total of 12, she isn't quite there. Tom's still in the lead.

SAGAL: How many, then, does Maeve need to step up and take it from him?

KURTIS: Six to win, Maeve.

SAGAL: Here we go, Maeve.

MAEVE HIGGINS: No problem.

SAGAL: This is for the game.

(LAUGHTER)

HIGGINS: I'm ready.

SAGAL: You're always ready.

HIGGINS: Yep.

SAGAL: Fill in the blank, Maeve.

HIGGINS: No problem.

SAGAL: No problem.

HIGGINS: Here you go.

SAGAL: On Wednesday, the prime minister of Russia announced he was resigning, allowing blank to further consolidate power.

HIGGINS: Can I just say I don't know this one.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Vladimir Putin.

HIGGINS: What?

SAGAL: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: On Sunday, the White House revealed they'd reached out to blank to resume nuclear talks.

HIGGINS: Barack Obama.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: North Korea. This week, Queen Elizabeth and the royal family were entirely supportive of blank's plans to leave the U.K.

HIGGINS: Oh, Prince Philip - or Prince...

(LAUGHTER)

HIGGINS: ...Harry.

SAGAL: I'm going to give it to you, Prince Harry.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Prince Harry and Meghan.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: On Monday, LSU completed a perfect season by defeating Clemson to win their first blank since 2007.

HIGGINS: Basketball.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No. The answer is football championship. A city in North Carolina has rejected plans for a new solar farm after too many residents complained that it would blank.

HIGGINS: Shine. It would shine too bright.

SAGAL: No. It would...

HIGGINS: The glare.

SAGAL: No, it would suck up all the sunlight.

(LAUGHTER)

HIGGINS: Oh, how (unintelligible).

SAGAL: Despite lukewarm reviews, the ninth movie in the blank saga passed the $1 billion mark on Tuesday.

HIGGINS: Bond?

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: "Star Wars." On Sunday, tennis star blank won her first title in three years.

HIGGINS: Oh, I actually do know this one.

(LAUGHTER)

HIGGINS: Serena Williams.

SAGAL: Yes, Maeve.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: It was Serena Williams.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

HIGGINS: Yes.

SAGAL: Police in Texas were able to identify a vandal...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...This week after pulling a perfect set of fingerprints from blank.

HIGGINS: His hands.

(LAUGHTER)

HIGGINS: You can't argue with that.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They did do that. But the key to cracking the case...

HIGGINS: No.

SAGAL: ...Maeve...

(LAUGHTER)

HIGGINS: No.

SAGAL: ...Was getting the fingerprints from a slice of cheese.

HIGGINS: What?

SAGAL: The officers at the Carrollton, Texas Police Department were tasked with finding out who covered a local resident's car with slices of cheese.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They had to call in the CSI team to dust the cheddar for fingerprints.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The result they got was not just gouda, it was great-a (ph).

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They were able to run it through the system hoping for a match. Meanwhile, the vandal could have gotten away with it if only he'd use Swiss. Their whole case would've been full of holes.

(LAUGHTER)

HIGGINS: But, you know...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Maeve...

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: Maeve got two right.

SAGAL: Yes, Maeve.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

HIGGINS: That's...

SAGAL: (Chanting) Maeve...

HIGGINS: ...Really good.

SAGAL: Maeve, Maeve, Maeve, Maeve.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: Four more points...

KURTIS: ...Seven total. That means our winner today is Tom Bodett.

SAGAL: There you are, Tom.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.